Ugh! Another Conference Networking Event? [AKA How to succeed at conferences]

So, you have a conference coming up, right? Maybe it’s the big industry event of the year. Perhaps it’s a career fair. Or it could be something you’re attending for personal development. More than likely, if you’re reading this, you’re heading to Tech Inclusion in SF later this week.

Whatever your connection, there is probably a thought that you’ll be “Networking” and have to be impressive.

Let’s look at the best way to prepare for attending a conference.

A while back I wrote an article on “What we can learn from “The Man”.” I found that my male colleagues network and “do conferences” with a whole lot more efficiency and efficacy than I ever did, and when I stopped to observe their deliberate development of their Networks, I learned a whole lot o’ stuff. The article was an overview of What is Your Network and Who should you have in it? If you haven’t read it, it may be worth the read to give you a back ground on some of the terms I use below.

Today, I want to be more practical — then I’ll head back what I promised about overcoming some of the obstacles we face in building our networks.

The Overview:

1. Know your purpose.
2. Don’t look for Friends.
3. Know what you have to offer.
4. Know how to start a conversation
5. Don’t expect to be rescued from the dance floor
6. Leave your cards at home

Know your purpose.

I have written this many times before, know what you want to receive before you head out the door for any event, whether a conference, a networking event or even a social event. Are you there to make new friends so your job is more enjoyable? Do you want to leave with 5 new job leads? Do you want to meet someone who is a CEO of a small company? Do you want to be inspired so you can figure out your next step in your career? What do you want to achieve? What are you goals?

It’s important to know what you’re looking to achieve for two main reasons. First, you won’t waste as much time and energy figuring out what to do with all the contacts you meet. Second, it’s easier to discern who to talk to and where to find them when you have an objective.

For example, if you are looking to speak with CEO’s, you’ll want to attend the sessions most appealing to the executives. You’ll be better prepared for conversations if you know what they heard rather than simply attending sessions that interest you.

If, on the other hand, you are looking for a new job or career, you may want to float to sessions to see what inspires you and to look around at who is in the room so you can casually bump into them later.

Believe me, many of my conference hours have spent wandering around trying to be in the right place at the right time for that ‘accidental’ “Oh! Look! I was wondering if I’d see you here”. It seems creepy to write that so you have to moderate your own stalking techniques, but you can usually go farther than you think.

The point I’m trying to make is have a purpose so that you know WHERE and WHEN to be in certain places that provide the best opportunity to make the right connection.

Don’t look for friends.

Argh! But it’s so tempting! Obviously, if there are people you only see at conferences you’ll want to say Hello. You don’t need to be standoffish. However, it’s so easy to go hangout with your friends and colleagues and forget your purpose of being at the conference.

The second meaning of this is…look to build your network, not just gain new friends. Women, and all underrepresented populations in business, tend to face obstacles in building our network. When we go after what we want we are considered aggressive, too assertive, annoying or bitchy, where as our white male counterparts are seen as simply networking. This makes it easy for us to want to be liked and stop looking for the people who can help us move forward in our career.

Again, know your purpose and you’ll have a better time discerning who you want to spend time getting to know at a conference.

Know what you have to offer.

Although you have a purpose and want to achieve your goals, you’ll also want to move your mindset away from “Get” mode. This means you want to be able to ask questions, be curious about what exciting projects other people are working on and figure out how you can help them achieve their goals.

Women, more than men, look to offer first and forget that they have their own goals to achieve so that’s why I bring this up AFTER you’ve set your own purpose and mission. While helping others is a spectacular mindset, you want to balance it with moving your own purpose forward. You don’t want to leave a conference with a list of To-Do items that will be done for people that may have zero interest in helping you in return. Sometimes you won’t know that until later.

Make a list of what you can offer others that still moves your mission forward. The best thing you can offer people that you don’t know well are other connections. Listen to what they need and ask yourself “is there anyone I know that may be able to help them IN THEY WAY THEY NEED HELP?”

Please resist the temptation to continuously connect people just because you heard they both like wine…or are both female in tech…or are both black men who contribute to open source code…or both went to State University and moved to San Francisco.

Take time to ask yourself “If I connected these people, is there a good chance that at least a cool conversation would happen?” You are not responsible for where the conversation leads or does not lead, but you do want to take time to be responsible and connect people that you feel have a connection beyond the superficial.

Know how to start a conversation

Remember at a conference, everyone is there for some reason. It’s so easy to start a conversation by “What do you do?” This is especially prevalent at tech conferences because most people just want to talk about their latest cool project and are indifferent to your needs. Want to know what I mean? Go to Tech Demo Tables. You’ll most likely receive their pitch whether or not it applies to you in any way, shape or form. Hmmmm…maybe that’s the next article…

You want to stand out. You want to learn how to connect fast and make an impression. Start by asking something that is more in alignment with who you are or your own goals. For example:

“What was your last great vacation?” is great a great opener for someone who works at a company you are interested in joining. It will tell you about the culture very quickly AND makes for more interesting conversation.

“What have you learned by being at the conference so far?” will open up doors to deeper discussions and allow you to learn a bit about the person before understanding what they “do”.

“Do you have a goal while you’re here?” You may be amazed at how many people pay for a conference, travel and hotel and have no idea why they really signed up. Listen for what she says and see if you can start to hear patterns about what she needs — and can you offer help?

Learn to Remove Yourself from conversations (Don’t expect to be rescued from the dance floor)

The flip side of learning to start a conversation is learning how to remove yourself from one. While the reference to the dance floor mostly applies to women, everyone needs to know the skill of moving on from a long, boring soliloquy.

In my early career, I found myself in many an awkward conversation where another woman was complaining about the office or her family or the job or perhaps a man telling me all the wonderful things he’s done and the money that he’s made this week alone or the code ze submitted that was never approved or…yeah…

You need to learn to be polite and direct because now one will “rescue you from the dance floor.” There are times this may be necessary, though, as men tend to consciously combine social and professional activities. At conferences, this often means the after parties that consist of copious amounts of alcohol. Inevitably, this can put the underrepresented women or LGBTQ professionals in situations where they are exposed to inappropriate fraternity type behavior. You need to know learn how to discern when business has taken a back burner. I actually had to be rescued from the dance floor on more than one occasion.

Here, I am talking about a conversation that is going nowhere and actually sucking your time away from fulfilling your purpose and goals. Come on…most of us know what it’s like to search for our girlfriend, give the signal and hope she can make it to the dance floor, grab us by the arm and whisk us away so we don’t have to be rude.

I’m saying, if the conversation is inappropriate, be RUDE. If the conversation is just dragging on and you really want to be somewhere else talking to a person that helps move your mission forward, you need to learn a polite and direct way to remove yourself. You can simply say: “Well, it’s been an interesting conversation. I’m going to move around the room now. Take care.” You will probably feel ruder than you actually are. And, put it back in perspective — if you are there for a purpose, do you want to be liked by someone who was taking up your time or do you want to achieve your goal?

Leave Your Cards at Home

Okay, this is so very counterintuitive, but it works. Collect cards so that you can follow up rather than give your card and expect them to call you. I have made some of my best connections without ever having given them a business card.

The WORST thing you can do is bring outdated business cards. I get these all the time with a statement like “Oh, here…well, I don’t work here anymore but the phone is correct” or “Wait, let me just cross out the information and write in the best number…”

Just ditch the card. Or, if that makes you panic, bring them and play a game to see how many of your own cards you can keep with you.

In Conclusion:

Take some time to write down your goals for attending a conference. The more specific you are, the more likely you are to meet the people you need to meet. When you approach each conversation with a real curiosity about what the other person is dealing with in life or work, you can open doors faster than if you only care about their title and company. Keep your own mission and goals in mind so that you can extract yourself from a conversation that is not benefitting either party, but don’t expect to be rescued by someone else. Be honest and polite and move on. In the end, you’ll leave with more connections if you take responsibility for the follow up rather than hoping they call you.

You got this! Have fun and come find me if you are going to Tech Inclusion. I can’t wait to hear your opening question.